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+# CHAPTER III
+
+About June, 1952, my family and I moved to the suburb of
+Evergreen Park. ¹ If my parents made the move in order to
+provide me with "some decent kids to play with," they did
+not choose the location well. The only kid in my age group
+on our block was B.O., who was about a year younger than I
+was. He was a frequent playmate of mine for one or two years
+after we came to Evergreen Park, but he was a rather
+obnoxious character and we didn't get along well. We had
+several fights, all of which I won. A few years later, after
+the O.'s had moved away, my mother told me she'd heard
+that B.O. had gotten into trouble with the police, but, in
+view of my mother's unreliability, I don't know whether
+this is true.
+
+Shortly after we arrived in Evergreen Park, my parents, in
+order to encourage me to be socially active, made me enroll
+in a summer program of organized recreation that was
+conducted at Evergreen Park Central School. I didn't like
+it, and soon stopped attending. At some later time my father
+forced me to enroll briefly in the Boy Scouts, and I didn't
+like that any better. I wrote in my 1979 autobiography, "As
+a kid I usually didn't like activities that were organized
+and supervised by adults, other than my parents." ²
+Apparently this is typical for mathematically gifted kids.
+According to a book on the psychology of adolescence, "An
+interesting characteristic of mathematically gifted
+adolescents was their independence with regard to how they
+spent their out-of-class time. 'Though they played some
+individual sports and some musical instruments, they
+completely resisted any regimented activity in the way of
+planned recreation.'" ³
+
+In September, 1952, I entered the fifth grade at Evergreen
+Park Central School. At Sherman School we had spent the
+whole school day in one classroom and with one teacher, but
+at Evergreen Park Central, the students shifted from one
+classroom to another to be taught different subjects.
+Because of this new system and the unfamiliar people I felt
+very insecure at first, but after a few weeks I adjusted
+comfortably. ²
+
+I made some friends at school, including Dale J., Bob C.,
+Barbara B., Dale Eickelman, and Larry S. Larry S. was the
+best of these. The friendships with Dale J. and Bob C.
+didn't last; the former turned out to be decidedly
+peculiar, and the latter was a boy with little self-control
+who once tried (unsuccessfully) to get me to participate in
+stealing. Dale Eickelman had a few peculiarities of his own,
+and I can't say that I ever really liked him, but I
+continued to associate with him throughout my grade-school
+and high-school years. My friendship with Barbara B. had
+nothing to do with sex. Her family moved away before we
+completed fifth grade, and thereafter I corresponded with
+her for a short time. ⁴
+
+Also in fifth grade, I carried on an intense flirtation with
+a beautiful female classmate named Darlene Cy. Because she
+teased me and provoked me, I loved her and hated her at the
+same time. She gradually began to conquer me, however, and
+love undoubtedly would have won out in the end if
+circumstances hadn't separated us. What happened was that
+upon completing fifth grade I was placed directly in
+seventh, and after that I rarely saw Darlene. ⁵
+
+Skipping a grade was a disaster for me. It came about as
+follows. While I was in fifth grade the school guidance
+counselor, Miss Vera Frye, gave some of us a battery of
+tests including a Stanford-Binet IQ test. On the latter, I
+scored very high, ⁶ 167. The *Washington Post* quoted my
+mother as follows:
+
+"A school psychologist \[Miss Frye\] gave Ted a
+Stanford-Binet IQ test... . But his mother took more
+comfort in the results of a personality test, which showed
+him to be well-adjusted.
+
+"'For a while \[Wanda said\] all my uneasiness about these
+residual effects from his early childhood were laid to rest
+because this psychologist said, "Oh, he is fine,"
+
+... . In fact, she said he had a strong sense of security,
+which surprised me... . She said he could be whatever he
+wanted to be. ... He was the cat's whiskers.' ...
+
+"\[The family\] now believe that perhaps Ted was smart
+enough to figure out the most appropriate answers to the
+test and outwit it." ⁷
+
+Psychological tests include devices to detect cheating, and
+it is hardly likely that a ten-year-old (however bright)
+with no knowledge of psychological testing would be able to
+outwit such a test.
+
+In any case, Miss Frye telephoned my parents, informed them
+of my high IQ score, and (according to my mother's account)
+went so far as to tell them that I had the potential to be
+"another Einstein." ⁸ This was foolish, because there is a
+lot more to being an Einstein than scoring high on an IQ
+test. It's possible that Miss Frye may have been laying it
+on thick because she had previously encountered parents who
+had shrugged their shoulders at information about their
+children's IQ scores and she was therefore trying to
+impress my parents with the importance of what she had to
+say. If she had known something about my mother, she would
+have been much more cautious.
+
+My mother came from a very poor background - poor not only
+financially but in every other respect. ⁹ Her position at
+the bottom of the social scale had been very painful to her,
+and she saw academic achievement, much more than financial
+success, as the avenue to the social status that she craved.
+She had neither the intelligence nor the self-discipline to
+achieve anything herself, however, so she sought to fulfill
+her ambitions through her children. ¹⁰ During my early years
+her expectations were reasonable and she put only very
+moderate pressure on me to perform well in school, but from
+the time of Miss Frye's phone call, she was filled with
+grandiose fantasies of what I was supposed to achieve.
+
+Even at that time I felt that my mother's reaction to Miss
+Frye's call was childish. Her excessive exhibitions of
+pleasure seemed ridiculous, and she immediately telephoned
+some of our relatives in order to brag to them. She told me
+a great deal that Miss Frye had asked her to keep secret
+from me. She admonished me not to reveal these things to
+anyone, because "Miss Frye says we're not supposed to tell
+you; but we feel that we can treat you as an adult." It was
+from this time that I gradually began to lose respect for my
+parents. ¹¹
+
+It was essentially Miss Frye who decided that I should skip
+a grade. She had the consent of the school authorities and
+the enthusiastic support of my mother, but they relied on
+her judgement as the supposed expert. Why did she make that
+decision? My mother told me at the time that it was because
+the tests showed that my greatest ability lay in the area of
+mathematics and physics, and (supposedly) mathematicians and
+physicists burned out young. Hence they were to be educated
+rapidly so that maximum use could be made of their ability
+while it lasted.
+
+Many years afterward, in a discussion with my mother, I
+bitterly criticized the decision to put me in seventh grade.
+At that time she tried to justify the decision by claiming
+that Miss Frye had said I was drawing "violent" pictures
+during my free time in school, and that pushing me a year
+ahead was somehow supposed to cure me of this. ¹² The
+proposition that academic acceleration will cure anyone of
+violent fantasies seems dubious, to say the least. Anyway, I
+replied to my mother that drawing war pictures and the like
+was commonplace among boys of that age at that time and
+place, but she insisted that no, my drawings were different.
+¹³ I brought the subject up again in 1991 in a letter to my
+mother: "You claim that Miss Frye said I was drawing
+pictures of violence during my spare moments in school. ...
+I'm not aware that I drew violent pictures any more often
+than the other boys. Miss Frye may have thought I did, but
+I certainly wouldn't trust her judgement... ." ¹⁴ My
+mother now changed her story. She wrote: "\[Y\]our memory of
+Frye is faulty. She considered your drawings quite normal.
+Just drawings of battle scene strategy." ¹⁵ This is a
+typical example of the way my mother plays fast and loose
+with the truth in order to suit her purposes of the moment.
+
+Was I drawing abnormally violent pictures at the age of
+ten? All I can say is that I do not remember making any
+drawings that would be considered unusual for a ten-
+year-old boy. ¹⁶ And my mother's statement quoted above,
+that Miss Frye considered me "well-adjusted," weighs against
+the abnormal-drawing story (assuming, of course, that my
+mother's statement is true, which may not be the case).
+
+\*\*\*\*\*\*
+
+It was from the time I skipped a grade that I began to have
+serious problems with social adjustment. I was not accepted
+by the seventh-graders with whom I was put. I quickly slid
+down to near the bottom of the pecking-order, and I stayed
+there until I graduated from high school. I was often
+subjected to insults or other indignities by the dominant
+boys. ¹⁷ My attempts to make advances to girls had such
+humiliating results that for many years afterward, even
+until after the age of thirty, I found it excruciatingly
+difficult - almost impossible - to make advances to
+women. ¹⁸
+
+Investigators working for my defense team obtained the
+following information from Michael Johnson, an administrator
+at Evergreen Park Community High School.
+
+"Johnson... flatly declared that the experiment of
+skipping kids ahead grades was a huge failure. The
+experiment was a notable failure during the era that Ted
+Kaczynski was promoted. Johnson added that the experiment
+was most especially a disaster with boys and indicated that
+he could document the fact that many of the boys who had
+been skipped ahead during Ted's era ended up as
+outcasts. ... Less-bright kids become resentful of those
+boys who are advanced ahead, causing the smart and
+accelerated kids to be even more acutely ostracized from
+their peer groups. More important, Johnson added, girls do
+not go out with boys who are younger. Thus, these boys have
+been set up for failure, and fail they do. The act of
+pushing youngsters ahead is almost never done anymore as a
+result of these past experiments. In fact, the state of
+Illinois now requires kids to be older before they can be
+promoted ahead a year." ¹⁹
+
+I was not the only kid who was rejected for being smart.
+There were several other boys who had a reputation for being
+academically-oriented and as a result were harassed or
+treated with contempt by the "tough" kids. ²⁰ But in my
+case the problems were compounded by the fact that, during
+the same period, I was being subjected to psychological
+abuse by both my parents. ²¹
+
+I've already described the change in my mother's
+personality that began not long after my brother's birth.
+By the time I was in my teens, she was having frequent
+outbursts of rage during which her face would become
+contorted and she would wave her clenched fists while
+unleashing a stream of unrestrained verbal abuse. ²² Even
+when she wasn't having one of her outbursts, she was often
+very irritable and would scold or make vicious remarks at
+the slightest provocation.
+
+The change in my mother affected my father. He became morose
+and pessimistic, and when family squabbles arose, he tended
+to sit in his easy chair and retreat behind a newspaper or
+book, ignoring the sordid turmoil around him. ²³ Sometimes,
+however, his patience became exhausted and he would have
+angry arguments with my mother or with me.
+
+But my father's moroseness was not exclusively an outcome
+of the family situation. I believe that he had deep-lying
+negative feelings about himself, about people, and about
+life in general. When he was in his mid-sixties and more
+ready to express his feelings than he'd been when he was
+younger, he took a car-camping trip by himself. On returning
+he said, "I can't be alone, because I don't like
+myself." He tended to see other people as dirty or sick.
+For example, when I visited my parents in 1978, my father
+described his employer, Win PI., to me as a pathologically
+compulsive talker. Later I got to know Win PI. myself, and I
+found that he was rather talkative, but by no means
+abnormally so. My father also used to speak of some of our
+relatives and other people in terms that exaggerated their
+failings and portrayed them as sick or repellent.
+
+Throughout my teens I was the target of frequent verbal
+aggression (often unprovoked) from both my parents,
+especially my mother. ²¹ The insults that cut me deepest
+were the imputations of mental illness or gross immaturity.
+²⁴ I think it was my father who started these when I was
+about twelve years old. The rejection I experienced from my
+peers at school, in combination with the deteriorating
+family atmosphere, made me often sullen and cranky, ²⁵ and
+my father, characteristically, interpreted this in terms of
+psychopathology. He began calling me "sick" whenever he
+was annoyed with me. My mother imitated him in this respect,
+and from then on until I was about 21 years old, both my
+parents would apply to me such epithets as "sick",
+"immature", "emotionally disturbed," "creep," "mind
+of a two-year-old," or "another Walter T." ²¹ (Walter T.
+was a man we knew who ended up in a mental institution.) It
+was always in an outburst of anger that my mother called me
+these things, but my father sometimes did so in a tone of
+cold contempt that cut worse than my mother's angry
+shouting. ²⁶ Neither of my parents ever suggested that I
+should be examined by a psychologist or psychiatrist. ²⁷ My
+mother never actually thought that there was anything wrong
+with me mentally, and I doubt that my father saw me as any
+sicker than he saw many other people. ²⁸ In saying cruel
+things to me my parents were only using me as a butt on
+which to take out their own frustrations. ²⁹
+
+Though the imputations of mental illness were what hurt me
+most, they comprised only a small part of the constant
+verbal bullying to which I was subjected day in and day out.
+My mother was continually shouting, scolding, insulting, and
+blaming me for everything that went wrong, regardless of
+whether I could have been responsible for it. During the
+summer before I entered Harvard, she made an appointment for
+me to see a professional photographer for a picture that the
+university wanted for its records. When the day of the
+appointment arrived, as it happened, I had a pimple on the
+end of my nose. My mother angrily scolded me for it. "Look
+at you! Now you've got a pimple on your nose! You're going
+to look terrible in your Harvard photo! ..." And on and
+on, as if it were my fault that I had a pimple.
+
+In another case my mother drove me and some other members of
+the high-school band to a music lesson. On the way back,
+the other boys, who were older than I was, talked a good
+deal about cars and driving. It made me feel small, since I
+was still too young to drive. After she dropped the other
+boys off, my mother began scolding me angrily: "Why don't
+you get a driver's license like the other kids so I won't
+have to be driving you all over the place all the time?" I
+quietly pointed out that I was only fifteen years old and
+couldn't get a license until I was sixteen. Instead of
+acknowledging that she was wrong and apologizing, my mother
+answered in an angry tone, "Well then, get a license as
+soon as you are sixteen! ... \[etc.\]"
+
+Once when I made a negative remark about someone's
+competence, my father answered in a cold and sneering tone,
+"You'll never be half as competent as he is." My father
+did not typically lose his temper openly. Yet he sometimes
+did so; in a few cases, he shouted at me, "I'll smash your
+face!" I didn't believe he would really smash my face, but
+still it was frightening to hear him say that.
+
+These are only a few examples of the kinds of things that
+went on constantly.
+
+Physical abuse was minimal, but there was a little of it. A
+couple of times my father threw me on the floor in the
+course of family squabbles. My mother occasionally would
+flail at me with her fists, but by that time I was old
+enough (and my mother was weak enough) so that she didn't
+hurt me.
+
+Contrary to what my mother and brother have told the media,
+up to the age of seventeen or so I was not socially
+isolated. Throughout my grade-school and high-school years
+I had several friends at all times. ³⁰ Though I was not
+accepted by most of the seventh-graders with whom I was put
+when I skipped a grade, I continued to associate with some
+of the friends and acquaintances I'd made in fifth grade.
+For example, Larry S. was a patrol-boy, and I used to stand
+on his corner with him during the lunch hour; and I
+continued to associate with Dale Eickelman ³¹ until I
+finished high school. Moreover, I soon began to make friends
+among the boys in my own grade; ³² but most of these friends
+had low status among the other boys, ³³ and some of them,
+like me, had a reputation as "brains" and for that reason
+were subjected to insults and indignities. On the other
+hand, one of my best friends had below-average intelligence.
+³⁴ Apart from those already mentioned, a list of my friends
+from seventh grade through high school would include Bob Pe.,
+³⁵ Tom Kn., ³⁶ Jerry U., ³⁷ and G.Da. ³⁷ I hung around with
+Russell Mosny ³⁵ quite a bit, but I never liked him much. We
+tended to be thrown together because we were in many of the
+same classes and were both "brains" who were treated with
+contempt by the "tough" kids. Both Mosny and G. Da.
+seemed to become cool toward me during my last year or so of
+high school, ³⁸ but at the same time I became closer to Bob
+Pe. and Tom Kn., and I made a new friend, Terry L. ³⁹
+
+Having these friends, however, by no means compensated me
+for the pain of the humiliatingly low status I had in
+school. I skipped my junior year in high school, ⁴⁰ and
+after that I was with kids who were two years older than I
+was. Most of these kids didn't insult me, but they treated
+me with condescension, ⁴¹ which was perhaps worse, and, with
+the exception of Terry L., none of them had any interest in
+making friends with me.
+
+Even though I had friends, I spent a good deal of time
+alone. By the time I was in high school, B.O. had moved away
+and four other boys in my age-group had moved into our
+block. One of these was simply a jerk. The other three, the
+Tr. boys, were jocks and belonged to the "set" in school
+by which I was intimidated; and moreover I had little in
+common with them. With the exception of Bob Pe., all of my
+friends lived far enough away so that visiting was
+inconvenient, and consequently we went to each other's
+homes only occasionally. Our activities tended to consist of
+aimless time-killing. We rarely engaged in athletics apart
+from occasional games of catch, we never undertook any
+significant joint projects, we never attended any social
+functions together. As I've already noted, most of my
+friends had low status, and, while I was in school with
+them, none was very active socially and none had
+girlfriends. If they ever dated, they never mentioned it to
+me.
+
+The only serious activity I had was trombone-playing; my
+music lessons brought me into contact with one of the very
+few adults I knew at the time whom I really respected, my
+teacher, Jaroslav Cimera. Two of my friends, Tom Kn. and
+Jerry U., also played the trombone, and I often played duets
+with one or the other of them.
+
+Still, until I went to Harvard, my adolescence tended to be
+an alternation among different kinds of boredom: A boring
+day in school, a boring visit with a friend, a few boring
+hours piddling around in my attic room, another boring day
+in school. This doesn't mean that I never had fun with my
+friends or alone, but that boredom was a nagging problem for
+me. ⁴²
+
+\*\*\*\*\*\*
+
+Now let's look at the way my brother and mother have
+portrayed me and our family life during this period. First,
+the entries in my medical records that are evidently based
+on my mother's statements to the doctors ⁴³:
+
+"April 24, 1952 ... Appetite, activity and general
+adjustment are all quite good."
+
+"April 17, 1953 ... He eats well, plays actively,
+presents no behavior problems."
+
+"April 27, 1954 ... Now in 7th Grade and does well. Does
+well socially."
+
+"April 14, 1955 ... Eighth grade. Good grades. Active in
+some sports. No further \[?\] problem except for some
+adolescent \[illegible\]"
+
+"April 20, 1956 ... He does very well at school - not
+too much of a socializer, but is known as a 'brain'.
+Gets along well with others when he tries - seems popular
+but a little aloof."
+
+"June \[?\], 1957 ... Accelerated in high school and will
+finish next spring by going to summer school. Has his eye on
+Harvard and \[illegible\] in physics and math.
+
+"Health has been good but mother is concerned lest program
+be too strenuous for him. Appetite good. Not very much
+physical activity. No great interest in girls as yet."
+
+"April 21, 1958 ... Ted has been well during the past
+year. No problems. Is doing very well at school ... ."
+
+The reason why my mother gave the doctors a rosy picture of
+my adjustment (with barely a hint of social difficulties in
+the April 20, 1956 entry) is that she has always been
+extremely concerned with respectability ⁴⁴ and with
+presenting to the world an attractive picture of our family,
+and to this end she does not hesitate to lie.
+
+In response to a request from Harvard, during the summer
+before I entered college she wrote a long (two single-spaced
+pages) letter in which she described my personality. In it
+she gives a fairy-tale portrait of me as a budding
+intellectual. For example, she speaks of my "serious
+goals" and "ivory-towerish intellectuality," when in
+reality I didn't have any clear goals at all and had little
+respect for intellectualism. In fairness to my mother, I
+should mention that in this letter she probably was not
+lying calculatedly. She talked herself into believing all
+that crap before she wrote it down and sent it to Harvard.
+Her capacity for self-deception is remarkable. What is
+significant for us here, though, is the way she described my
+psychological and social adjustment:
+
+"Ted is strong, stable, and has an excellent capacity for
+self-discipline. However, I feel that he may be lonlier
+\[sic\] than most boys the first few months away from home.
+
+"... Ted does not respond quickly to friendly overtures.
+He is pleasant and polite, but reserved; and accepts only an
+occasional individual as a friend. Once he does, however,
+the relationship is permanent. All of his friends share at
+least one of his strong interests. One of these friendships
+is based on a mutual fondness for exploring the countryside
+and searching for fossils, arrowheads, and unusual rocks.
+... He meets with another couple of friends because of a
+shared appreciation for listening to and making music... .
+Ted is also very fond of another boy who shares with him a
+love for intellectual sparring, witty exchange and endless
+polemics. The written and verbal communication of satire
+and analysis on innumerable subjects by these two boys would
+fill a volume. \[My mother has surpassed herself here. The
+two musical friends must have been Tom Kn. and Jerry U., but
+I have no idea who the other two friends could have been.\]
+
+"The fact that he takes so little initiative in finding
+friends, that he accepts the advances of so few people, ⁴⁵
+and makes no attempt to join social groups makes us worry
+about the possibility of his being a pretty lonely boy (from
+our point of view - he claims he never feels lonely
+because there is so much to do.) ⁴⁶ ...
+
+"\[Ted\] has, as his counselor and teachers have said 'a
+delightful personality, very witty and very clever.' ...
+
+"... \[Ted is\] working successfully as a busboy this
+summer and being well-accepted by the other people working
+there. ⁴⁷
+
+"One of the things that Ted's counselor hoped he would
+learn to do was bring 'his light out from under the gushel
+\[sic; "bushel" is meant\]'. He has always functioned
+naturally and creatively ... almost devoid of the desire
+to impress or communicate. ...
+
+Perhaps the poor quality of the school and neighborhood
+enviornment \[sic\] of his first ten years had something to
+do with this. Looking back, we realize how little
+stimulation and understanding he found there. Our own
+confusion, uncertainty, and worry about his ever-increasing
+propensity for solitary play didn't help matters. The
+high-school counselor feels that Ted should become
+increasingly aware of the desireability \[sic\] of
+projecting his 'brilliance and wit.' More often now, he
+will be placed in situations in which a stranger may want to
+assess his talents in half an hour's time. His whole future
+may depend on his ability and awareness of the need to
+project himself at will at a particular time." ⁴⁸
+
+Contrast the foregoing with my mother's portrayal of me in
+her interviews with the *Washington Post* ⁴⁹ and on *60
+Minutes*, ⁵⁰ in which she depicted me as severely disturbed
+and almost completely isolated socially. You can believe one
+version or the other, if you like, but you can't believe
+both, since they are clearly inconsistent. Thus my mother
+is again shown to be a liar. For present purposes it is
+beside the point whether she lies calculatedly or talks
+herself into believing her own crap before she tells it to
+others.
+
+It is true, though, that my mother may not have realized the
+full extent of the social difficulties that I encountered
+from the time I skipped sixth grade. I said nothing to my
+parents about those difficulties because in our family
+talking about personal problems, particularly on the part of
+my brother and me, was almost taboo. ⁵¹ This was especially
+true in my case, because, ever since Miss Frye had told her
+about my high IQ score, my mother expected me to be her
+perfect little genius. If ever I revealed to her any
+failure, any weakness, it disappointed her and consequently
+her response was cold and critical. ⁵²
+
+\*\*\*\*\*\*
+
+According to the *New York Times*, my brother described our
+father as "always generous." ⁵³ In his interview with the
+*Sacramento Bee*, my brother asserted that both our parents
+were "warm and nurturing." ⁵⁴ According to the transcript
+of the *60 Minutes* interview of my brother and my mother,
+Lesley Stahl stated:
+
+"Ted's fantasies, his family says, included accusations
+that his parents had verbally abused and rejected him;
+accusations that became more and more bizarre." ⁵⁵
+
+Later in the interview, my brother said:
+
+"\[Ted's\] feelings about our family bear no relationship
+to the reality of the family life that we experienced. These
+were loving, supportive parents." ⁵⁶
+
+But here is what my brother told the FBI, according to the
+latter's "302" reports of interviews with him:
+
+"The relationship between TED Sr. \[Theodore R. Kaczynski,
+my father\] and TED was mostly difficult and conflicted,
+... DAVE remembers specifically that his father often told
+TED, 'You're just like WALTER,' identifying WALTER as a
+co-worker of his father's at the sausage factory who was
+diagnosed schizophrenic. His father would often tell TED
+'you have the mind of a two year-old.' DAVE remembered a
+specific incident when TED ran to his father saying, 'Give
+me a kiss,' and was rebuffed; TED Sr. pushed him away and
+said, 'You're just like a little girl, always wanting to
+kiss.' TED eventually 'got his kiss,' DAVE said, but he
+never remembered that TED asked his father ever again for
+affection. TED became increasingly reclusive, and quarrelled
+constantly with his mother. TED Sr.'s behavior toward his
+oldest son became increasingly cold and distant, and he
+'mostly showed his disapproval' concerning TED." ⁵⁷
+
+"Family members often ridiculed TED when they compared TED
+with DAVE who was well liked because he had better social
+skills." ⁵⁸ \[False; I was not "ridiculed" for this.\]
+
+"DAVE noted that despite WANDA's concerns that certain
+actions she and her husband took during TEDs childhood must
+have been at least partly responsible for TED's lifelong
+problems and isolation, WANDA is defensive of her own
+actions in general, and sees herself as having unfairly
+carried the main burdens of both her family of origin and
+her own family. DAVE characterized his mother as 'often
+difficult herself,' ..." ⁵⁹
+
+Thus, my brother is clearly shown to be a liar. It's true
+that the FBI's "302" reports often have inaccuracies, and
+that the foregoing passages contain significant errors.
+(Whether the errors originated with the FBI or with my
+brother is an open question.) But it is hardly likely that
+the FBI would just make all this up out of nothing; and, as
+a matter of fact, much of it is corroborated by my
+autobiographies and by family correspondence. ⁶⁰
+
+In my 1979 autobiography, I wrote:
+
+"One day, when I might have been about 6 years old, my
+mother, father, and I were all set to go out somewhere. I
+was in a joyful mood. I ran up to my father and announced
+that I wanted to kiss him. He said, 'You're like a little
+girl, always wanting to kiss.' I immediately turned cold
+and drew back resentfully. My father immediately regretted
+what he had done and said, 'Oh, that's alright. You can
+kiss if you want to.' But there was no warmth in his voice.
+Of course, I didn't kiss him then. ..." ⁶¹
+
+This agrees fairly well with the account in the FBI report;
+but notice that the incident occurred when I was about six
+years old - before my brother's birth. Thus the FBI
+report's implication that my brother personally witnessed
+this incident is false. My 1979 autobiography continues:
+
+"But the reader should be careful not to get an exaggerated
+idea of the coldness that my father occasionally
+exhibited - generally speaking I felt I had a good
+relationship with my parents that didn't show any serious
+deterioration until I was about 11 years old." ⁶²
+
+My father did become rather cold toward me during my teens,
+though my brother's account, as reported by the FBI,
+somewhat overstates the case. I wrote in my 1979
+autobiography, referring to my teen years:
+
+"\[M\]y father tended to be cold. During my middle teens I
+felt there was an undercurrent of scorn in his attitude
+toward me." ⁶³
+
+My brother and my mother state (more-or-less correctly)
+that, during my adolescence, when visitors arrived at our
+house, I would often retreat to my room. ⁶⁴ Thus they
+unwittingly revealed information that helps to confirm the
+abuse: According to investigators who have experience with
+cases that involve child abuse, withdrawing from visitors is
+a common reaction of abused children. ⁶⁵
+
+## NOTES TO CHAPTER III
+
+1. (Ab) Autobiog of TJK 1959, p. 3; (Ac) Autobiog of TJK
+1979, p. 23; (Ga) Deeds #2, #3.
+
+2. (Ac) Autobiog of TJK 1979, p. 23.
+
+3. Karl C. Garrison, *Psychology of Adolescence*, 6th
+Edition, Prentice-Hall, pp. 199, 200.
+
+4. (Ac) Autobiog of TJK 1979, p. 23 states: "I had a few
+friends in school, especially Larry S\_\_\_\_... ." Dale
+Eickelman is discussed on pp. 50-52 of (Ac) Autobiog of
+TJK 1979. In (Qb) Written Investigator Report #34, Eickelman
+confirmed his friendship with me. None of the other
+friendships is documented; for them I rely on memory.
+
+5. (Ac) Autobiog of TJK 1979, pp. 47-50; (Ba) Journals of
+TJK, Series VI #1, pp. 25-30 (October 1, 1974).
+
+6. (Fa) School Records of TJK, E. P. Elementary; (Ab)
+Autobiog of TJK 1959, p. 3; (Ac) Autobiog of TJK 1979, p. 24.
+
+7. (Hb) *Washington Post*, June 16, 1996, p. A20.
+Unfortunately, the results of the personality test are not
+found in my surviving school records. That I did take such a
+test is confirmed by (Aa) Autobiog of TJK 1958: "\[In fifth
+grade\] I came to the attention of the curriculum and
+guidance counselor... . I was taken out of class several
+times that year to take a battery of tests, including I.Q.,
+achievement, personality and aptitude tests."
+
+8. (Ac) Autobiog of TJK 1979, p. 24.
+
+9. (Ae) Autobiog of Wanda (the entire document).
+
+10. (Ac) Autobiog of TJK 1979, pp. 78, 79; (Da) Ralph
+Meister's Declaration, p. 1, paragraph 5; p. 2, paragraphs
+7, 8.
+
+11. Regarding the last sentence of this paragraph, see (Ac)
+Autobiog of TJK 1979, p. 39; for all the rest of the
+paragraph, see same document, p. 24.
+
+12. (Ac) Autobiog of TJK 1979, pp. 24, 25; (Ca) FL #458,
+letter from me to my mother, July 5, 1991, p. 10; (Cc) Notes
+on Family Letters, Number 3 (written in 1991), p. 5.
+
+13. (Cc) Notes on Family Letters, Number 3 (written in
+1991), p. 5.
+
+14. (Ca) FL #458, letter from me to my mother, July 5, 1991,
+p. 10.
+
+15. (Ca) FL#459, letter from my mother to me, July 12, 1991,
+pp. 1, 2.
+
+16. (Ac) Autobiog of TJK 1979, p. 25: "\[M\]any of the
+other boys drew warlike or gruesome pictures. Whether I drew
+such pictures more frequently than the other boys is a point
+on which my memory does not enlighten me."
+
+17. (Ab) Autobiog of TJK 1959, pp. 3, 4; (Ac) Autobiog of
+TJK 1979, pp. 25-29; (Ad) Autobiog of TJK 1988, pp. 2, 3;
+(Ca) FL #458, letter from me to my mother, July 5, 1991, pp.
+10-12. In (Ab) Autobiog of TJK 1959 I greatly understated
+the humiliations to which I had been subjected in school
+because I was profoundly ashamed of them.
+
+    The abuse I suffered in school was mostly psychological,
+but there was a small amount of physical abuse. (Ac)
+Autobiog of TJK 1979, p. 28:
+
+    "\[A\] certain fellow verbally abused me, kicked my leg,
+and kicked my briefcase - all for no apparent reason."
+
+    (Ac) Autobiog of TJK 1979, p. 26:
+
+    "\[In gym class\] a large, heavy boy intentionally ran
+into me during a game, knocked me down, and fell on me,
+bruising my arm very painfully."
+
+    The injury was severe enough so that my parents took me
+to the hospital and had my arm examined to make sure that it
+wasn't broken. (Ea) Med Records of TJK, U. Chi., September
+21, 1956, pp. 69-71. The "large, heavy boy" referred to was
+Jack Mcl\_. When investigators working on my case tried to
+track him down, they found that his last known address was a
+transient hotel.
+
+18. (Ab) Autobiog of TJK 1959, pp. 4, 14; (Ac) Autobiog of
+TJK 1979, pp. 25, 52-55, 131; (Ad) Autobiog of TJK 1988,
+pp. 2-4, 9, 11, 12; (Ca) FL #458, letter from me to my
+mother, July 5, 1991, pp. 14, 15. Again, shame led me to
+understate the case in (Ab) Autobiog of TJK 1959.
+
+19. (Qb) Written Investigator Report #57, Michael Johnson.
+
+20. Several former students at Evergreen Park Community High
+School who were interviewed by investigators confirmed that
+academically-oriented kids were harassed and insulted. These
+included G. Da. (Qb) Written Investigator Report #28, pp.
+1-3; Roger Podewell (Qb) Written Investigator Report #104,
+pp. 1, 2; Wayne Tr. (Qb) Written Investigator Report #142,
+p. 3. As I've indicated in the Introduction, information
+reported to investigators about decades-old events has often
+proved wildly inaccurate, especially when (as in this case)
+there have been media reports that may have influenced it.
+However, G. Da.'s reports of bitter personal experiences
+should probably be given weight as showing the existence of
+harassment, even though there is no way of knowing whether
+the reports are accurate in detail.
+
+21. (Ac) Autobiog of TJK 1979, pp. 40-42, 47; (Ca) FL #329,
+letter from me to David Kaczynski, March 15, 1986, p. 2;
+(Ad) Autobiog of TJK 1988, p. 3; (Ca) FL #458, letter from
+me to my mother, July 5, 1991, pp. 5-8, 12; (Da) Ralph
+Meister's Declaration, p. 3, paragraph 9. Further
+documentation will be given in Chapter IV.
+
+22. During October or November of 1996, Investigator #3 told
+me that Dr. K. had told him that my brother had told her
+that my mother would have outbursts of rage during which her
+face would become red and contorted and she would make angry
+gestures that frightened my brother. It is true that my
+mother did have such outbursts, but I am relying on memory
+for the fact that Investigator #3 made this statement to me,
+since I did not write it down at the time.
+
+    On August 14, 1997, I asked Dr. K. to confirm this, and
+what she gave me then was a weaker version: "K asked, what
+did you see when \[your mother\] was angry? \[Dave\] said:
+Change of color in her face, her speech became quicker, she
+might make sudden movements. K asked what he meant. He said
+she would shake her hands and stomp her foot. As a child he
+felt that it felt close to feeling what violence would feel
+like - it was threatening." (Ra) Oral Report from Dr. K.,
+August 14, 1997.
+
+    I had the distinct impression from Dr. K. that "it felt
+close to feeling what violence would feel like" was a
+verbatim quote of my brother's words, and I clearly remember
+that I asked her to repeat the sentence so that I could be
+sure that I had it written down correctly. Nevertheless,
+when I asked her for confirmation of this report on February
+12, 1998, she gave me the following version, which seems
+somewhat weaker: "Dr. K asked how did he know my mother was
+angry. When she was very angry you could tell because her
+color would change, speech would get quicker, would make
+sudden movements, that one could imagine would be closer to
+violence. Dr. K asked him what he meant. He said like shake
+her hands and stomp her foot." (Ra) Oral Report from Dr. K.,
+February 12, 1998.
+
+    I asked Dr. K. about the words, "it felt close to
+feeling what violence would feel like," and she said she
+couldn't find them in her notes. If Dr. K. is asked about
+this matter again, I have no idea what she will say.
+
+    In any case, I know from my own memories that my mother
+did have outbursts of rage as I've described.
+
+23. (Ra) Oral Report from Dr. K., July 24, 1997: "Wanda
+... Spoke of Ted R. withdrawing behind the newspaper. He
+didn't like conflict, would withdraw from it and pick up
+the paper." This is what Dr. K. told me, but, as I've
+noted elsewhere, she sometimes changes her story or claims
+she can't remember something she told me, so I do not know
+whether she will confirm this information if she is asked.
+
+24. (Ac) Autobiog of TJK 1979, pp. 40, 41.
+
+25. Same, p. 42.
+
+26. Same, p. 41.
+
+27. This is confirmed in the interview with my mother in
+(Hb) *Washington Post*, June 16, 1996, p. A20.
+
+28. From (Ca) FL #330, letter from David Kaczynski to me,
+late March or early April, 1986, p. 22:
+
+    "I never, ever recall the parents berating you to me. In
+fact, they always encouraged me to look up to you."
+
+    My parents would hardly have encouraged my brother to
+look up to me if they had thought I was the kind of sicko
+that the media have portrayed with my mother's and brother's
+encouragement.
+
+29. (Ca) FL #458, letter from me to my mother, July 5, 1991,
+pp. 3, 6.
+
+30. (Ad) Autobiog of TJK 1988, p. 12. In (Ab) Autobiog of
+TJK 1959, p. 11, I wrote: "My friendships are usually of
+long duration. Fairly close, but never really intimate." I
+was not aware of *any* really intimate friendships among the
+boys in high school. The reader who thinks that there should
+have been such friendships should bear in mind that the
+teenage culture of Evergreen Park in 1955-58 may have been
+quite different from what he is familiar with. Boys simply
+did not bare their souls to one another.
+
+    I went to Harvard at the age of sixteen and made no
+close or lasting friendships there. However, during the
+summer following my freshman year at Harvard I continued to
+associate with some of my high-school friends ((Ac) Autobiog
+of TJK 1979, p. 94; (Ab) Autobiog of TJK 1959, pp. 10, 11;
+here, the "rather dull fellow" is Jerry U., the "large fat
+fellow" is Russell Mosny, and the "very tall lank fellow" is
+Bob Pe.). Consequently I date my social isolation from age
+seventeen rather than sixteen.
+
+    By the way, there is an error on p. 94 of (Ac) Autobiog
+of TJK 1979. I wrote: "I think I became pretty well
+separated from all my Evergreen Park friends within about a
+year after leaving college." instead of "college", I should
+have written "high school". I meant that I became separated
+from these friends after the summer following my first year
+at college. Actually, my memory of the chronology is rather
+fuzzy here. It's possible that I may have continued to
+associate with some of my high-school friends even during
+the summer following my *second* year at college. In (Ac)
+Autobiog of TJK 1979, pp. 94, 95, I may have inadvertently
+telescoped the events of two summers into one.
+
+31. (Ac) Autobiog of TJK 1979, pp. 50-54; (Qb) Written
+Investigator Report #34, Dale Eickelman.
+
+32. (Ab) Autobiog of TJK 1959, p. 3, referring to seventh
+grade: "I did make a couple of good friends among the
+better students... ."
+
+33. (Ad) Autobiog of TJK 1988, p. 12.
+
+34. (Ab) Autobiog of TJK 1959, p. 10: "One of my oldest
+friends is a rather dull fellow, average intelligence...
+." This was Jerry U. I was probably giving him a little
+too much credit in describing his intelligence as average.
+
+35. (Ac) Autobiog of TJK 1979, pp. 30, 94-95. Bob Pe. is the
+"very tall lank fellow" described as one of my best friends
+in (Ab) Autobiog of TJK 1959, p. 11. Bob Pe. confirmed his
+friendship with me in (Qb) Written Investigator Report #100.
+
+36. Ruth Kn., Tom's mother, has confirmed that he and I were
+friends. (Qb) Written Investigator Report #64, p. 1. I
+mention this report for whatever it may be worth, but some
+of the other information given by Mrs. Kn. is incorrect.
+
+37. (Ac) Autobiog of TJK 1979, p. 94.
+
+38. (Ac) Autobiog of TJK 1979, pp. 25, 94, 119-121. Mosny is
+the "large, fat fellow" referred to in (Ab) Autobiog of
+TJK 1959, pp. 10, 11.
+
+39. (Ac) Autobiog of TJK 1979, pp. 29, 94.
+
+40. (Fb) School Records of TJK, E.P. High School; (Fc)
+School Records of TJK, Harvard, pp. 12, 14; (Ac) Autobiog of
+TJK 1979, p. 28; (Ab) Autobiog of TJK 1959, p. 4; (Aa)
+Autobiog of TJK 1958, p. 2.
+
+41. (Ac) Autobiog of TJK 1979, p. 28.
+
+42. (Ac) Autobiog of TJK 1979, pp. 46, 47 has: "Throughout
+my earlier teens I suffered increasingly from chronic
+boredom... . Often I would visit a friend's home, or a
+friend would visit my home. But if these visits lasted any
+length of time, I would usually get bored... . Best, I
+liked physical games such as playing catch; but...
+outside of gym classes, I never had a chance to participate
+in complicated games like softball and football, which I
+suppose would have held my interest better. Because there
+were never enough guys available for a regular game, we had
+to play very simple games like catch."
+
+43. (Ea) Med Records of TJK, U. Chi., April 24, 1952, p. 53;
+April 17, 1953, p. 57; April 27, 1954, p. 58; April 14,
+1955, p. 59; April 20, 1956, p. 67; June, 1957, p. 73; April
+21, 1958, p. 74.
+
+44. (Ac) Autobiog of TJK 1979, p. 79: "Respectability is
+important to her."
+
+45. I can think of few instances (prior to the time when my
+mother wrote this letter) in which I intentionally rejected
+friendly advances. No doubt I often seemed cool toward
+people; this was because my experiences in school had
+conditioned me to be afraid of social situations and of the
+possibility of rejection. Moreover, one of the symptoms of
+abuse is social withdrawal.
+
+    From (Ac) Autobiog of TJK 1979, pp. 28, 29:
+
+    "As a result of \[the rejection I'd experienced\] I
+think I developed a kind of stoical coldness. (Not daring to
+fight back, and not wishing to show weakness, my only choice
+in the face of hostility was to be cold and stoical.) The
+cold impression was often accentuated by shyness, and I
+suspect that my apparent cold aloofness may have alienated
+some kids who might otherwise have been friendly."
+
+46. Actually I suffered from chronic boredom. See Note 42.
+
+47. The truth: "\[M\]y parents put pressure on me to earn
+money to help pay for my education... . I was supposed to be
+not only brilliant, but industrious... .
+
+"I felt very shy and uncomfortable among the people on
+these jobs. When asked about my personal background I should
+have lied. The first job I had the first summer was as a
+busboy in a restaurant. One waitress there gave me a hard
+time, being evidently jealous of my education; she would
+bitterly make remarks like: 'We don't need brains around
+here - we need a strong back.'" - (Ac) Autobiog of TJK
+1979, p. 95.
+
+48. (Fc) School Records of TJK, Harvard, pp. 18, 19; letter
+from Wanda Kaczynski to Skiddy Von Stade (Harvard Dean of
+Freshmen), July 16, 1958. I had already been admitted to
+Harvard, so there was no need for my mother to fib in order
+to secure my admission.
+
+49. (Hb) *Washington Post*, June 16, 1996.
+
+50. (He) *60 Minutes*, September 15, 1996.
+
+51. My brother told Dr. K. that there was no "permission"
+to talk with parents about internal struggles. (Ra) Oral
+Reports from Dr. K., July 24, 1997 and February 12, 1998. As
+noted elsewhere, oral reports I've received have not proved
+reliable; but see Note 52.
+
+52. (Ac) Autobiog of TJK 1979, p. 115; (Ca) FL #458, letter
+from me to my mother, July 5, 1991, pp. 6, 7. (Da) Ralph
+Meister's Declaration, p. 3, paragraph 10 has: "Teddy John
+was... afraid to tell Wanda about emotional problems or
+difficulties he encountered with his peer group because that
+would have caused a rent in the picture she had of her
+son."
+
+53. (Ha) *NY Times Nat.*, May 26, 1996, p. 22, column 1.
+
+54. (Hc) *Sacramento Bee*, January 19, 1997, p. A16,
+column 1.
+
+55. (He) *60 Minutes*, September 15, 1996, Part One, p. 8.
+
+56. Same, Part Two, p. 3.
+
+57. (Na) FBI 302 number 2, pp. 6, 7.
+
+58. (Na) FBI 302 number 1, p. 3.
+
+59. (Na) FBI 302 number 3, p. 5.
+
+60. See Note 21 above. But contrary to what the FBI says my
+brother told them, I was compared to Walter T. only twice,
+and in at least one of those cases it was my mother who made
+the comparison.
+
+61. (Ac) Autobiog of TJK 1979, p. 18. The story is also told
+in (Ca) FL #339, letter from me to David Kaczynski, Summer,
+1986, p. 4. My brother probably got the story from this
+letter and at some subsequent time began to imagine that he
+had witnessed the incident himself.
+
+62. (Ac) Autobiog of TJK 1979, pp. 18, 19.
+
+63. (Ac) Autobiog of TJK 1979, p. 41. (Ca) FL #407, letter
+from me to David Kaczynski, October 13, 1990, p. I has: ".
+.. during my teens, but, while Dad was always rather cold
+to me during that period ... ." Also see (Ca) FL #408,
+letter from me to my mother, October 13, 1990 (copy kept in
+cabin).
+
+64. (He) *60 Minutes*, September 15, 1996, Part One, p. 3:
+
+    "WANDA KACZYNSKI: ... if \[Ted\] heard cars driving up,
+he'd say 'ooh, there's so-and-so.' He says, 'don't call me
+down. I - I don't want to see them. I don't want to see
+them.' He'd go upstairs."
+
+    The foregoing is not strictly accurate, but it is true
+that I often avoided visitors by going to my attic room. See
+also (Hb) *Washington Post*, June 16, 1996, p. A20, middle
+of last column on the page. And see (Na) FBI 302 number 1,
+p. 3: "DAVE noted that TED would often retreat to the attic
+whenever anyone came to the house to visit."
+
+65. (Qc) Written Reports by Investigator #2, p. 2:
+"Withdrawal is a common reaction for abused children and
+includes withdrawing from visitors."