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New poem: From Fiction

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Lethe Beltane 2024-06-04 16:28:06 -05:00
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2024_books.html
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margin-top: 14px;
font-family: monospace !important;
background-color: #cc99ff;
max-width: 1000px;
max-width: 1114px;
}
table {
width: auto;
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}
table, td {
border: 1px solid;
max-width: 800px;
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h1 {
text-align: center;
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<td>Ursula K. le Guin</td>
<td></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>2024-W22</td>
<td>Caliban and the Witch</td>
<td>Silvia Federici</td>
<td></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>2024-W23</td>
<td>Under the Sign of Saturn</td>
<td>Susan Sontag</td>
<td>Most of the book was a slog, and I had to skip an essay or two, but there were two excerpts that made me feel "seen" (in an annoying Twitter way):<br><blockquote>It is characteristic of the Saturnine temperament to blame its undertow of inwardness on the will. Convinced that the will is weak, the melancholic may make extravagant efforts to develop it. If these efforts are successful, the resulting hypertrophy of will usually takes the form of a compulsive devotion to work. Thus Baudelaire, who suffered constantly from "acedia, the malady of monks," ended many letters and his Intimate Journals with the most impassioned pledges to work more, to work uninterruptedly, to do nothing but work. (Despair over "every defeat of the will" - Baudelaire's phrase again - is a characteristic complaint of modern artists and intellectuals, particularly of those who are both.) One is condemned to work; otherwise, one might not do anything at all.</blockquote><br>and:<br><blockquote>All his writings are polemical. But the deepest impulse of his temperament was not combative. It was celebratory. His debunking forays, which presumed the readiness to be made indignant by inanity, obtuseness, hypocrisy - these gradually subsided. He was more interested in bestowing praise, sharing his passions. He was a taxonomist of jubilation, and of the mind's earnest play.</blockquote></td>
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</body>

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2024_music.html
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<td>Brandi Carlile</td>
<td></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>2024-W22</td>
<td>chapter 1</td>
<td>girl in red</td>
<td>Favorite track: <b>i wanna be your girlfriend</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>2024-W23</td>
<td>The Nearly Deads</td>
<td>The Nearly Deads</td>
<td>Favorite track: <b>Thanks For Nothing</b></td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
</body>

0
blog/2023/april/LiveUSB.html → blog/2023/04/LiveUSB.html
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blog/index.html
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<li>July 1 - <a href="./2023/july/FULL_TOR.html">It's never been a better time to dive into Tor</a></li>
<li>June 1 - <a href="./2023/june/torward.html">Look Torward, Young Vane</a></li>
<li>May 1 - <a href="./2023/may/web3-3.html">Broke Dumbass Attempts To Web3 Once More</a></li>
<li>April 1 - <a href="./2023/april/LiveUSB.html">I spent a week using Tails as my only operating system</a></li>
<li>April 1 - <a href="./2023/04/LiveUSB.html">I spent a week using Tails as my only operating system</a></li>
<li>March 1 - <a href="./2023/march/theatrhythm.html">THEATRHYTHM FINAL BAR LINE has kinda grown on me</a></li>
<li>February 1 - <a href="./2023/february/utopia.html">I installed Utopia so you don't have to</a></li>
<li>January 1 - <a href="./2023/january/UterusPin.html">Uterus Pin Perler Bead Pattern</a></li>

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index.gmi
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@ -19,13 +19,22 @@ just remember all the men who ever deemed you "leech"
Also available on:
=> gemini://sabladem4rxv5p34qcpz6sxitmftvmzmlzi4cjmmh5a3phcvdi3k2wad.onion Gemini (Tor)
=> gopher://sabladem4rxv5p34qcpz6sxitmftvmzmlzi4cjmmh5a3phcvdi3k2wad.onion Gopher (Tor)
=> http://sabladem4rxv5p34qcpz6sxitmftvmzmlzi4cjmmh5a3phcvdi3k2wad.onion HTTP (Tor)
=> http://zli2qsg54w7y42vgw4xxlnj4nktcpg7xp33yjxkp33sjafvznbwa.b32.i2p HTTP (I2P)
=> http://yggdrasil.mayvane.day HTTP (Yggdrasil)
=> nex://yggdrasil.mayvane.day Nex (Yggdrasil)
=> spartan://sabladem4rxv5p34qcpz6sxitmftvmzmlzi4cjmmh5a3phcvdi3k2wad.onion:3000 Spartan (Tor)
=> spartan://yggdrasil.mayvane.day Spartan (Yggdrasil)
## Tor
=> gemini://sabladem4rxv5p34qcpz6sxitmftvmzmlzi4cjmmh5a3phcvdi3k2wad.onion Gemini
=> gopher://sabladem4rxv5p34qcpz6sxitmftvmzmlzi4cjmmh5a3phcvdi3k2wad.onion Gopher
=> http://sabladem4rxv5p34qcpz6sxitmftvmzmlzi4cjmmh5a3phcvdi3k2wad.onion HTTP
=> spartan://sabladem4rxv5p34qcpz6sxitmftvmzmlzi4cjmmh5a3phcvdi3k2wad.onion:3000 Spartan
## I2P
=> http://zli2qsg54w7y42vgw4xxlnj4nktcpg7xp33yjxkp33sjafvznbwa.b32.i2p HTTP
## Yggdrasil
=> http://yggdrasil.mayvane.day HTTP
=> nex://yggdrasil.mayvane.day Nex
=> spartan://yggdrasil.mayvane.day Spartan
=> scroll://yggdrasil.mayvane.day Scroll
## Other
=> http://127.0.0.1:8888/USK@Up0ipQCQjyY2PaGofU-P63kJMb54E0~2xZiUnyxPypM,rGmJhPDVou6DwS6Eh23sZ93hVbDaA6v4D5l3vWsN-oY,AQACAAE/mayvaneday/-1/ Freenet
=> ipns://mayvaneday.org IPFS
=> scroll://faris.mayvane.day Scroll

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index.html
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<div class="box">
<h3>Announcement Box</h3>
<ul>
<li><b>2024-04-24</b>: My landlord has agreed to extend my lease for another year. It does, in fact, get better!</li>
<li><b>2024-04-10</b>: I've changed the way URLs are structured for blog posts. The new system will be in effect going forward and slowly be applied to old posts. If you link to one of my posts from elsewhere and you now get a 404, that's why.</li>
<li><b>2024-04-03</b>: The address for this website's Tor hidden service has changed! I still have access to the <code>meynethaffeecaps</code> keys; I just needed a change. See below and <a href="./identity/index.html"><code>/identity/</code></a> for the new address.</li>
<li><b>2024-04-02</b>: One joins her local library board and suddenly finds all the current bikeshedding about Gemini/ZeroNet/Linux others are doing deeply embarrassing and transient. Curious!</li>
<li><b>2024-06-04</b>: I can't find a way to write a blog post about what I want to without making it sound like I've had a psychotic break, so you <a href="./poetry/f/from_fiction.txt">get a poem instead!</a> See you next month.</li>
</ul>
</div>
<hr>

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index.scroll Symbolic link
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index.gmi

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index.scroll.abstract Symbolic link
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index.gmi.abstract

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poetry/f/from_fiction.txt Normal file
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From Fiction
2024-06-04
***
Fictionkin: the
identity
that you can at least partially
trace your roots, your origin,
to a piece of fiction.
Whether
as a character
or a place or general vibe,
you were born
in foreign clime
(or maybe here but other time)
with story that takes place elsewhere.
For some, the explanation
of how this came to be
is spiritual: reincarnation,
or a split soul, separating
twins, or some other convoluted
explanation
that I haven't
the words to account for.
For others, the origin
of this phenomenon is
psychological;
the brain
is great
at contorting itself
into maddened shapes
for the sake
of survival,
and sometimes this means
self-convincing
that the person on the screen
or described in novel's prose
is the truest
expression
of the observer that one knows.
Having known
the mania of both,
I must record the following observations.
Please do not think me
some hateful entity
worth of being
erased from posterity
or harassed into silence:
these are not an outsider's
uninformed jabs meant to hurt;
all that I am about
to recount
is from my own experience.
One of the biggest signifiers
of if a kin
is legitimate
is the presence of memories
that cannot be explained by prior
knowledge of the source material.
B-plots discarded; other characters
that would have made logical sense
to paper over a plot hole
but were erased, sometimes with remnants
like a stray clip of audio
or a model left untextured;
an explanation of what came before;
knowing what happens after fall the credits.
Secondarily,
even without exact memories,
a sense of familiarity
with the story's setting.
Like how, even though
I moved out of Forever Home
almost a solid decade ago
and of the changes made since I will never know,
when the plot of my dreams call for a dwelling
that floor plan is the first to volunteer.
There is a man I'll call Anchorite
(although you can most likely guess
his true name if you're reading this
at the end of May's hiatus)
and for a solid two weeks he was *me*, he was *my* life.
I hued my nails, I bought hair dye,
I even tried to exorcise
the belly fat
that sought to pad
my organs from the world outside.
But through all this, though I could point
to a thousand different things
we held in common, what I always lacked
were his memories.
Can an individual form an identity
when removed from their surroundings
and of their memories made bereft?
You know, we bonded through a game
that asks that question in great depth,
and the conclusion that I drew
is that, when all traits
have been drained,
all that remains
is the costume.
All that, after all, I have is
an image frozen, static.
Unless the damned character dies,
I get no closure,
no knowledge
of how
played out
the rest of their life.
Just a snapshot of how they were.
They stay the same
in narrative loop
allowing me to change.
I wonder
how others
handle
sequels.
If having remembered, under assumption
that what we held canon
was all we ever would,
the remainder of a life untransmitted.
To chain one's deepest sense of self
to the whims of a corporation.
If the universe is infinite,
I suppose that'd leave room to interpret
canon in a different
way.
I should know, as Lethe Beltane.
What I have as Lethe
that I never had as Anchorite
or any other
characters
whose "brainworms" wrapped me tight
is that sense of continuity,
the feeling
that the story
is happening *now*
and not something I need to measure myself against: found
wanting
in every category,
as yet the world's worst cosplay.
There is no "out-of-character":
who I am is me, is her.
No fear of discontinuity.
I am my own future.
***
CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander

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poetry/index.gmi
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=> f/flickering.txt Flickering Out
=> f/forgesitaj-memoroj.txt forgesitaj memoroj
=> f/forgive-me-marcel.txt forgive me, Marcel
=> f/from_fiction.txt From Fiction
## G
=> g/gemini.txt Gemini

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poetry/index.gph
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@ -60,6 +60,7 @@ iF
0Flickering Out f/flickering.txt
0forgesitaj memoroj f/forgesitaj-memoroj.txt
0forgive me, Marcel f/forgive-me-marcel.txt
0From Fiction f/from_fiction.txt
iG
0Gemini g/gemini.txt

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poetry/index.html
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│   ├── <a href="./f/firebrand.txt">firebrand.txt</a><br>
│   ├── <a href="./f/flickering.txt">flickering.txt</a><br>
│   ├── <a href="./f/forgesitaj-memoroj.txt">forgesitaj-memoroj.txt</a><br>
│   └── <a href="./f/forgive-me-marcel.txt">forgive-me-marcel.txt</a><br>
│   ├── <a href="./f/forgive-me-marcel.txt">forgive-me-marcel.txt</a><br>
│   └── <a href="./f/from_fiction.txt">from_fiction.txt</a><br>
├── <a href="./g/">g</a><br>
│   ├── <a href="./g/garden-gym.txt">garden-gym.txt</a><br>
│   ├── <a href="./g/gaze_rank.txt">gaze_rank.txt</a><br>
@ -217,7 +218,7 @@
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; └── <a href="./z/zircons_beacon.txt">zircons_beacon.txt</a><br>
<br><br><p>
25 directories, 165 files
25 directories, 166 files
</p>
<hr>