131 lines
6.8 KiB
Common Lisp
131 lines
6.8 KiB
Common Lisp
;;;; theo.lisp
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(in-package #:theo)
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(defvar *quotes*
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'("Write more code."
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"Make more commits."
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"That's because you have been slacking."
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"slacker!"
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"That's what happens when you're lazy."
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"idler!"
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"slackass!"
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"lazy bum!"
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"Stop slacking you lazy bum!"
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"slacker slacker lazy bum bum bum slacker!"
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"I could search... but I'm a lazy bum ;)"
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"sshutup sshithead, ssharpsshooting susshi sshplats ssharking assholes."
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"Lazy bums slacking on your asses."
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"35 commits an hour? That's pathetic!"
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"Fine software takes time to prepare. Give a little slack."
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"I am just stating a fact"
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"you bring new meaning to the terms slackass. I will have to invent a new term."
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"if they cut you out, muddy their back yards"
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"Make them want to start over, and play nice the next time."
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"It is clear that this has not been thought through."
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"avoid using abort(). it is not nice."
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"That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard in the last two or three minutes!"
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"I'm not just doing this for crowd response. I need to be right."
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"I'd put a fan on my bomb.. And blinking lights..."
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"I love to fight"
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"No sane people allowed here. Go home."
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"you have to stop peeing on your breakfast"
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"feature requests come from idiots"
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"henning and darren / sitting in a tree / t o k i n g / a joint or three"
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"KICK ASS. TIME FOR A JASON LOVE IN! WE CAN ALL GET LOST IN HIS HAIR!"
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"shame on you for following my rules."
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"altq's parser sucks dead whale farts through the finest chemistry pipette's"
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"screw this operating system shit, i just want to drive!"
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"Search for fuck. Anytime you see that word, you have a paragraph to write."
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"Yes, but the ports people are into S&M."
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"Buttons are for idiots."
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"We are not hackers. We are turd polishing craftsmen."
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"who cares. style(9) can bite my ass"
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"It'd be one fucking happy planet if it wasn't for what's under this fucking sticker."
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"I would explain, but I am too drunk."
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"you slackers don't deserve pictures yet"
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"Vegetarian my ass"
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"Wait a minute, that's a McNally's!"
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"don't they recognize their moral responsibility to entertain me?"
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"#ifdef is for emacs developers."
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"Many well known people become net-kooks in their later life, because they lose touch with reality."
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"You're not allowed to have an opinion."
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"tweep tweep tweep"
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"Quite frankly, SSE's alignment requirement is the most utterly retarded idea since eating your own shit."
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"Holy verbose prom startup Batman."
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"Any day now, when we sell out."
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"optimism in man kind does not belong here"
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"First user who tries to push this button, he pounds into the ground with a rant of death."
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"we did farts. now we do sperm. we are cutting edge."
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"the default configuration is a mixture of piss, puke, shit, and bloody entrails."
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"Stop wasting your time reading people's licenses."
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"doing it with environment variables is OH SO SYSTEM FIVE LIKE OH MY GOD PASS ME THE SPOON"
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"Linux is fucking POO, not just bad, bad REALLY REALLY BAD"
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"penguins are not much more than chickens that swim."
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"i am a packet sniffing fool, let me wipe my face with my own poo"
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"Whiners. They scale really well."
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"in your world, you would have a checklist of 50 fucking workarounds just to make a coffee."
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"for once, I have nothing to say."
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"You have no idea how fucked we are"
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"You can call it fart if you want to."
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"wavelan is a battle field"
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"You are in a maze of gpio pins, all alike, all undocumented, and a few are wired to bombs."
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"And that is why humppa sucks... cause it has no cause."
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"cache aliasing is a problem that would have stopped in 1992 if someone had killed about 5 people who worked at Sun."
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"Don't spread rumours about me being gentle."
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"If municipal water filtering equipment was built by the gcc developers, the western world would be dead by now."
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"kettenis supported a new machine in my basement and all I got to do was fix a 1 character typo in his html page commit."
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"industry told us a lesson: when you're an asshole, they mail you hardware"
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"I was joking, really. I think I am funny :-)"
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"the kernel is a harsh mistress"
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"Have I ever been subtle? If my approach ever becomes subtle, shoot me."
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"the acpi stabs you in the back. the acpi stabs you in the back. you die ..."
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"My cats are more observant than you."
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"our kernels have no bugs"
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"style(9) has all these fascist rules, and i have a problem with some of them because i didn't come up with them"
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"I'm not very reliable"
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"I don't like control"
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"You aren't being conservative -- you are trying to be a caveman."
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"nfs loves everyone"
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"basically, dung beetles fucking. that's what kerberosV + openssl is like"
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"I would rather run Windows than use vi."
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"if you assign that responsibility to non-hikers I will walk over and cripple you now."
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"i ojbect two yoru splelng of achlhlocis."
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"We have two kinds of developers - those that deal with their own shit and those that deal with other people's shit."
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"If people keep adding such huge stuff, soon mg will be bigger than emacs."
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"this change comes down to: This year, next year, 5 years from now, 10 years from now, or Oh fuck."
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"backwards compatibility is king, and will remain king, until 2038."
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"I don't know if the Internet's safe yet."
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"Those who don't understand Unix are condemned to reinvent Multics in a browser"
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"Don't tell anybody I said that."
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"Complaint forms are handled in another department."
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"You'd be safer using Windows than the code which was just deleted."
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"Shit should not be shared."
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"the randomization in this entire codebase is a grand experiment in stupid"
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"My mailbox is full of shock."
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"my integer overflow spidey senses are tingling."
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"I'm just trying to improve the code..."
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"It's a pleasure to work on code you can't make worse."
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"It's largely bad style to do (int)sizeof"
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"When I see Makefile.in, I know that \"in\" is short for \"insane\"."
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"This is the beer. And that's why we need a hackathon."
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"Kill the past with fire, and declare Duran Duran is less cool today. Await remixes of the same thing performed by new talent."
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"Where did my \"fuck backwards compat\" compatriots go?"
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"I want a new vax, one that's not so slow."
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"This sausage is made from unsound meat."
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"The people who wrote this code are not on your side."
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"Well finally everyone can see that the shit is really shitty."
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"All that complexity stopped us from getting flying cars by today."))
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(defun random-elt (list)
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"Return a random element from a list."
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(elt list (random (length list))))
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(defun random-quote ()
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"Return a random Theo insult."
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(random-elt *quotes*))
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(defcommand theo () ()
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"Print a random Theo insult."
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(message "~a" (random-theo-quote)))
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