truth-versus-lies/ch1-2e.md

CHAPTER I

I will begin with one of the biggest lies of all, a kind of family myth manufactured by my mother.

I have only a vague recollection of the version of this story that I heard from my parents in childhood. In essence it was that as a baby I had been hospitalized with a severe case of hives (urticaria), and that I was so frightened by this separation from my parents that I was forever after excessively nervous about being left alone by them.

It is not clear to me why my parents thought I was unduly afraid of being separated from them. It may have been because they became accustomed to being away from their own parents at an especially early age - my mother's mother was a drunken, irresponsible slut¹ who probably left her children unattended on frequent occasions, and my father was an extrovert who spent much of his childhood running with gangs of boys rather than home (according to the stories he told me). In any case, as I look back on it now, I don't think I was any more anxious about being left alone than the average kid of my age. When I was perhaps six or seven years old, my mother began leaving me home alone for an hour or two at a time, and I did not find it difficult to adjust to this. At about the same age I once attended a movie with my father in a strange neighborhood far from home, and after the movie, he left me standing alone outside the theater for ten or fifteen minutes while he went to get the car. I felt a good deal of anxiety while waiting for him, but I think not more than is normal for a kid of that age under such circumstances. I certainly did not feel panicky nor did I doubt that my father would return. He told me afterward that he had left me alone in order to help me get over what he called my fear of being away from my parents.

My parents retained their belief that I had an unusual fear of being separated from them until I was thirteen years old. At that age, I was sent away to summer camp for two weeks. Though I was somewhat homesick, I had no serious difficulty in adjusting to the experience, ² and after that, as far as I can remember, my parents never again mentioned my supposed fear of being "abandoned" by them - until many years later, when my mother resuscitated the myth of "that hospital experience" in exaggerated and melodramatic form. Her motives for doing so will be explained in Chapter IV. For the moment, I am concerned only to describe the myth itself and to refute it.

Here is the myth in my mother's own words, from a letter that she wrote to me on December 24, 1984:

"[Your hatred of your parents] I think, I am convinced, has its source in your traumatic hospital experience in your first year of life. You had to be hospitalized with a sudden, very serious allergy that could have choked off your breath. In those days hospitals would not allow a parent to stay with a sick child, and visits were limited to one hour twice a week. I can still hear you screaming 'Mommy, Mommy!' in panic as the nurse forced me out of the room. My God! how I wept. My heart broke. I walked the floor all night weeping, knowing you were horribly frightened and lonely. Knowing you thought yourself abandoned and rejected when you needed your mother the most. How could you, at nine months, understand why - in your physical misery - you were turned over to strangers. When I finally brought [you ³ ] home you were a changed personality. You were a dead lump emotionally. You didn't smile, didn't look at us, didn't respond to us in any way. I was terrified. What had they done to my baby? Obviously, the emotional pain and shock you suffered those four days became deeply embedded in your brain - your sub-conscious. I think you rejected, you hated me from that time on. We rocked you, cuddled you, talked to you, read to you - did everything we could think of to stimulate you. How we loved you, yearned over you. Some said we spoiled you, were too lenient, doted on you too much. But you were our beloved son - our first born and we wanted so much to have you love us back. But I think that emotional pain and fear never completely left you. Every now and then throughout your life, I saw it crop up. ..." ⁴

I was surprised when I saw that in this letter my mother described my hospitalization as having lasted only four days. She had previously told me - repeatedly - that it had lasted a week, ⁵ and that I had been "inert", "a dead lump", for a month after I came home.

Here is what my brother reportedly said about "that hospital experience" when he was interviewed by the FBI:

"TED had a severe allergic reaction and was hospitalized for several weeks. His parents were only allowed short daily visits and TED became unresponsive and withdrawn during his stay in the hospital." ⁶

"When TED was a year or so old, he was hospitalized after suffering a 'severe allergic reaction.' His parents were restricted from visiting him for more than a few minutes a day, and when he recovered and was taken home two or three weeks later they noticed that he was markedly unresponsive and displayed a significantly 'flat effect' (emotionless appearance). It took weeks and even months for his parents to re-establish a satisfactory relationship with TED, and WANDA attributes much of TED's emotional disturbance as an adolescent to this early trauma." ⁷

"DAVE stated that on four distinct occasions, TED has displayed a type of 'almost catatonic' behavior which has long perplexed and mystified his family. The first was his withdrawal after a three-week hospital stay when he was an infant." ⁸

Here is what my brother told the New York Times:

"David, who had been told the story by his parents, said that the infant Teddy developed a severe allergy and was hospitalized for a week. 'There were rigid regulations about when parents could and couldn't visit,' David said. He recalled that on two occasions, his parents 'were allowed to visit him for one hour.'

"After Teddy came home, 'he became very unresponsive,' David said. 'He had been a smiling, happy, jovial kind of baby beforehand, and when he returned from the hospital he showed little emotions [sic] for months.'" ⁹

Newsweek cited information from federal investigators (who presumably were relaying information received from my mother or my brother) as follows:

"The first clue is something that happened when Kaczynski was only 6 months old. According to federal investigators, little 'Teddy John,' as his parents called him, was hospitalized for a severe allergic reaction to a medicine he was taking. He had to be isolated - his parents were unable to see him or hold him for several weeks. After this separation, family members have told the Feds, the baby's personality, once bubbly and vivacious, seemed to go 'flat.'" ¹⁰

Time gave a similar report. ¹¹

The FBI's "302" reports often contain inaccuracies, and (as we will show later) journalists' reports are extremely prone to gross inaccuracies that result from carelessness, incompetence, or intentional lying. But the fact that several different sources gave roughly similar accounts is a good indication of the kind of information my brother and mother had been giving out.

Furthermore, on April 12, 1996, Investigator #1, an investigator for the Federal Defender's office at Helena, Montana, interviewed my mother in Washington, D.C. According to Investigator #1's notes, my mother gave her the story as follows:

'When Ted was nine or 10 months old, he developed a severe and sudden allergic reaction to something, his entire body swelled, and he had severe itching all over. Wanda walked with him the entire night, and took him to the University of Chicago-Children's Teaching Hospital first thing in the morning. She described the hospital visit as very traumatic for both Ted and his mother. When they arrived, Ted was taken from Wanda by a nurse and put in a separate room. Ted started screaming and crying, calling nonstop for his mother, who also started crying... . That Friday the hospital called Wanda and said she could come and pick Ted up, as the swelling had subsided. When Wanda arrived at the hospital, she was handed her son, who she described as 'a dead lump.' She said Ted would not respond to her or her husband at all for weeks after the hospital stay. Wanda and Theodore spent hours trying to bring Ted out of his shell, coaxing a smile, or attempting to get him to play with a toy, mostly without success. ...

"After the stay in the hospital, Wanda described Ted as much more clingy, and less trusting of strangers. He would scream whenever he was taken into a strange building, fearful his parents were going to leave him. About four or five months after Ted was released from the hospital, he fell while running in the house, and split his tongue. Wanda rushed him to the hospital, where he immediately began screaming and fighting. ...

'Ted's regular pediatric visits were always upsetting, as Ted acted terrified of doctors." ¹²

How accurate is this picture? Fortunately that question is easy to resolve, because my mother kept a "Baby Book," or diary of my development as an infant. The book contained printed instructions and questions with blank spaces left for the parent to fill in. (When quoting from the Baby Book, I will put the printed matter in italics and material written by my mother in ordinary type.) The following excerpt from the Baby Book includes every word of my mother's account of "that hospital experience," from the first appearance of the symptoms to my apparently complete recovery.

My age at the time was just over nine months.

"FORTY-FIRST WEEK. Dates, from Feb. 26 to Mar 5

1943

"Saturday, the 27th [of February] Mother noticed small red splotches on baby's stomach and neck, as the day progressed the splotches spread. In the evening we took him to the hospital. The doctor diagnosed them as hives. Sunday

February 28

effected [sic] by them. We took him for a long ride in his buggy. Shortly after we returned we noticed the baby had a fever. Called the hospital and was told to give him frequent baths & 1/2 aspirin every 3 hrs. Monday morning [March 1] the baby was examined at Bobs Roberts [Hospital] by several doctors. The consensus [sic] of opinion was that baby had a bad case of urticaria [hives, rash] & should be left at the hospital. Wednesday [March 3], mother went to visit baby. The doctors still think he has an extreme case of urticaria but are not sure. The [sic] omitted [sic] eggs from his diet. Mother felt very sad about baby. She says he is quite subdued, has lost his abandoned virve

sic

institutionalized look.

"FORTY-SECOND WEEK. Dates, from Mar. 5 to Mar. 12

1943

"Baby's home from hospital. Perfectly healthy But quiet and unresponsive after his experience. Hope his sudden removal to hospital and consequent unhappiness will not harm him.

"Later in the week - Baby is quite himself again. Vivacious and demanding. Says 'bye-bye' by waving his hand.

Etc.

According to hospital records ¹⁴, I was admitted on March 1, 1943 and released on March 6, so I was hospitalized for five days. Since the statement that I was quite myself again could not have been written later than March 12, it took me at most six days (and possibly much less time) to make an apparently complete recovery. It should also be noted that a careful study of my medical records has turned up no mention of my supposed unresponsiveness. Furthermore, on September 6, 1996, my Aunt Freda (Freda Dombek Tuominen) was interviewed in Gainesville, Florida by two investigators working on my case. She told them that she was away on a two-week vacation when I was hospitalized from March 1 to 6, 1943. When she returned, someone mentioned to her that I had been in the hospital, but after that she heard nothing more about the episode until it was publicized in the media following my arrest. ¹⁵ Since Freda was very close to my parents during the 1940's, this is a clear indication that at that time, my mother did not attach much importance to the hospitalization and that the effect on me was not obviously serious.

What about my mother's statement that "Ted's regular pediatric visits were always upsetting, as Ted acted terrified of doctors?" ¹² That is another lie. The Baby Book and my medical records show four, and only four, instances in which I appeared to be afraid of doctors or nurses, and two of these occurred before "that hospital experience." Here are the corresponding entries from the Baby Book and the medical records:

"FIFTH WEEK. Dates, from June 19 to June 26 [1942],

"... When the doctor was handling him today he cried a great deal. ... Perhaps he was frightened of the unfamiliar surroundings and handling." ¹⁶

"SEVENTEENTH WEEK. Dates, from Sept. 11 to Sept. 18

1942

"... Sept. 15. When taken for his periodic examination the child became very frightened of the doctor." ¹⁷

In the medical records the two foregoing examinations are recorded, but no mention is made of my reaction to the doctor, ¹⁸ which probably indicates that the doctor did not consider my reaction unusual.

My hospitalization occurred during the latter part of my forty-first week. About a month later, the following reaction was reported in the Baby Book:

"FORTY-SIXTH WEEK. Dates, from 4/2 to 4/9 [1943].

"This week we visited the hospital with Teddy. When mother took him in to be undressed & weighed Teddy saw the nurses in their white uniforms & immediately HOWLED. It's evident he remembered his sojurn [sic] in the hospital. It took about 10 min. for mother to calm him. When the doctor entered the little room that he was taken to after being weighed there was no definite reaction other than interest in her, but as soon as she attempted to examine him he yowled." ¹⁹

The hospital record of this examination does not mention my fearful reaction. ²⁰

The last instance in which I showed fear of medical personnel is mentioned in my medical records, but not the Baby Book (which does not go beyond December 25, 1943):

"June 27, 1944. ... Reluctant to carry examination, child is fearful of white coats since his visit for repair of his tongue." ²¹

The reference is to an injury to my tongue ²² that had occurred about two months earlier, on April 29, 1944. Note that this extract from the medical records clearly implies that prior to the tongue injury, I was not fearful of medical personnel. That I was not afraid of doctors or nurses for at least nine or ten months preceding my tongue injury is confirmed by the absence of any mention in the Baby Book or the medical records of any such fear on my part between April 9, 1943 (about a month after my hospitalization) and April 29, 1944 (the date of my tongue injury), even though the medical records and the Baby Book report that I was examined at the University of Chicago clinics ²³ on May 18, 1943, June 13, 1943, October 19, 1943, January 11, 1944, and January 18, 1944. Moreover, the Baby Book's one-year inventory of the child's development (late May, 1943, less than three months after "that hospital experience") includes the question, "Does he [the baby] show persistent fear of anything?" My mother left the question blank. ²⁴

After my tongue injury (which, by the way, did not require hospitalization), my mother told a doctor that I was "quite fearful of hospitals" (see extract below, April 4, 1945). But that I had no long-lasting fear of doctors or hospitals is confirmed by the following extracts from the medical records ²⁵:

"June 13, 1943. ... Healthy w-d [well-developed?] well nourished infant. No pathological findings."

(No mention of unresponsiveness or fear of doctors.)

"April 4, 1945... appetite excellent. Plays well with other children. Quite fearful (?) of hospitals."

(Evidently the doctor is recording information furnished by my mother. The question mark after "fearful" is in the original and possibly indicates skepticism on the part of the doctor. Further along in the report of this same examination:)

"Sturdy, well nourished boy with good color who tries to manipulate his mother by temper [?] outbursts. Submits

illegible

examination - after she is sent from the room. Quite agreeable at conclusion of examination."

(The foregoing entry contradicts my mother's claim that I was afraid of being left by my parents, since the departure of my mother calmed me and caused me to submit to the examination.)

"January 4, 1946... A well nourished [?] adequately muscled [?] very whiny little boy."

"April 10, 1946... A whiny but fairly cooperative boy... ."

"October 16, 1947... A pleasant, quiet, alert, slender boy... ."

"December 8, 1947... A friendly, intelligent youngster who is not acutely ill. He is extremely inquisitive of all that is said and requests explanations."

The foregoing include all of the passages in my surviving medical records up to age 6 that have any bearing on my behavior in the presence of doctors or nurses. So much for my mother's claim that "Ted's regular pediatric visits were always upsetting, as Ted acted terrified of doctors."

According to the Washington Post, "Ted had an almost paralyzing uneasiness around strangers, a reaction, again, that Wanda traced back to Ted's childhood hospitalization." ²⁶

Apart from the few cases in which I showed fear of doctors or nurses, the Baby Book reports two, and only two, cases in which I was frightened by strangers, and both of these cases occurred before my "hospital experience."

"ELEVENTH WEEK. Dates, from July 31 to Aug 7 [1942]

"Twice this week the baby was on the verge of crying when approached by unfamiliar persons. After a bit of handling and talking to by the strangers he became very friendly, cooing and smiling in response to their overtures." ²⁷

How did I react to strangers (apart from doctors and nurses) after the "hospital experience?" Only two pages in the Baby Book provide relevant information. The one-year inventory of the child's development instructs the parent:

"Underline each of the following terms which seems descriptive of the child's behavior. Doubly underline those which are shown very frequently or in a marked degree ... ."

The Baby Book then lists thirteen terms. One of them is "shyness," and my mother underlined it once. (The other terms are "curiosity," which my mother underlined doubly; "excitability," "impulsiveness," "cautiousness," "jealousy," "stubbornness," "cheerfulness", "sensitiveness," "boisterousness," all of which my mother underlined once; and "irritability," "listlessness," "placidity," which my mother did not underline at all. ²⁸ The same terms were listed in the nine-month inventory, and there my mother underlined "curiosity" doubly, she underlined "excitability," "impulsiveness," "stubbornness," and "boisterousness" once, and she underlined none of the others. ²⁹)

Further along in the one-year inventory we find:

"Does child show greater interest in children or in adults? Describe. Either definitely likes or dislikes adults Loves to tussle with other children Is he usually shy or friendly with strange women? either men? either children? friendly Does he show any special preferences for certain persons? Yes Describe For unaccountable reasons will either be very friendly or unfriendly to strangers. But almost always friendly to people he knows." ²⁸

About seven weeks after the "hospital experience" and three weeks before the one-year inventory, we find in the Baby Book:

"FORTY-NINTH WEEK. Dates, from 4/23 to 4/30 [1943].

"When the door buzzer rings Teddy, when in his walker, immediately skoots [sic] to the door, no matter what he's occupied with at the time. When not in the walker he insists on being carried or assisted in going himself." ³⁰

Since I was so anxious to meet visitors, it's clear that I had no particular fear of strangers and was not excessively shy. The statement that I had "an almost paralyzing fear of strangers" going back to my "childhood hospitalization" is another lie.

Did my hospitalization at the age of nine months have any lasting effect on my personality or behavior? I do not know the answer to that question. But it is obvious that if the experience tended to make me permanently fearful of doctors or of strangers, or if it made me less social, then the effect was so mild that it is not clear whether there was any effect at all.

Psychologists consulted by my defense team searched the literature for reports of empirical studies of children who had suffered separation from their parents at an early age. They found only one study ³¹ that was closely relevant to my case. This study shows that my reaction to hospitalization and my recovery from it were quite normal for an infant hospitalized under those conditions. While the study found that all "overt" effects of hospitalization in such infants disappeared within 80 days, at most, and usually in a fraction of that time, the infants were not observed for a long enough period to determine whether there were any subtler, long-lasting effects.

Thus it remains an open question whether my hospitalization had any permanent effect on my personality. The aim of this chapter has not been to prove that there could not have been such an effect, but that whatever that effect may have been, it was not what my mother and brother have described.

My mother's and brother's motives for lying about me will be dealt with later. (See Appendix I for further evidence of my mother's untruthfulness.)

* * * * * *

The passage from the Baby Book that describes my "hospital experience" provides an example of the way the media lie. In an article in the Washington Post, journalists Serge F. Kovaleski and Lorraine Adams quoted the Baby Book as follows:

"Feb. 27. 1943. Mother went to visit baby. ... Mother felt very sad about baby. She says he is quite subdued, has lost his verve and aggressiveness and has developed an institutionalized look.

"March 12, 1943. Baby home from hospital and is healthy but quite unresponsive after his experience. Hope his sudden removal to hospital and consequent unhappiness will not harm him." ³²

Compare this with the accurate transcription of the passage given a few pages back. Kovaleski and Adams have made important changes. On February 27 I was still at home. I was not hospitalized until March 1, and the entry that Kovaleski and Adams dated "Feb. 27" actually refers to March 3. Kovaleski and Adams assign the date March 12 to an entry that was obviously written earlier, and they completely omit the entry that shows that on or before March 12 I had already recovered completely from "that hospital experience".

Kovaleski and Adams altered not only the dates but also the wording of the passage. The most important change was that, where the Baby Book states that I was "quiet and unresponsive," Kovaleski and Adams wrote that I was "quite unresponsive." ³³

The effect of these obviously intentional changes is to give the impression that the "hospital experience" and its consequences were much more long-lasting and severe than they really were.

NOTES TO CHAPTER I

1. (Ae) Autobiog of Wanda, entire document. (Cb) FL Supplementary Item #4, letter from my Aunt Freda to my mother, October 1, 1986. Supported by oral communications to me from my mother and my uncle Benny Dombek up to 1979.

2. (Ac) Autobiog of TJK 1979, p. 36: "I felt rather homesick at this place, but not excessively so. I got along alright." (Ab) Autobiog of TJK 1959, p. 5 has: "Up to quite recently... I was very dependent on [my parents] in that I became unhappy if far away from them for any length of time, say a couple of days or more. Before coming to Harvard [at the age of sixteen], I was greatly afraid that I would suffer much from homesickness, but after a couple of weeks of unhappiness, this no longer bothered me at all. The ties seem to have snapped completely, as it no longer bothers me at all to be away from home."

3. A small part of the original letter is missing here, but it is clear from the context that the word "you" should appear.

4. (Ca) FL #297, letter from my mother to me, December 24, 1984.

5. Both in (Ab) Autobiog of TJK 1959, p. 1 and (Ac) Autobiog of TJK 1979, p.1, I gave the period of hospitalization as a week. I could only have gotten that information from my parents - probably my mother, since my father rarely said anything about "that hospital experience."

6. (Na) FBI 302 number 1, p. 3.

7. (Na) FBI 302 number 2, p. 6.

8. (Na) FBI 302 number 3, p. 3.

9. (Ha) NY Times Nat., May 26, 1996, p. 22, column 3.

10. (Hf) Newsweek, April 22, 1996, p. 29.

11. (Hg) Time, April 22, 1996, p. 46.

12. (Ka) Interview of Wanda by Investigator #1, pp. 1,2.

13. (Bc) Baby Book, pp. 111, 112.

14. (Ea) Med Records of TJK, U. Chi., March 1-6, 1943, pp. 13, 14, 19.

15. (Qa) Oral report from Investigator #2, February 5, 1997. The fact that the duration of the vacation was two weeks is from (Qa) Oral report of Investigator #3, February 18, 1997. According to (Ra) Oral report from Dr. K., March 29, 1997, in a later interview Freda told Dr. K. that she was no longer sure that she was away on vacation at the time of my hospitalization. Instead, as a college student, she may have been absorbed in her studies and temporarily out of touch with my parents. But she still affirmed that she had been told nothing about "that hospital experience" beyond the bare mention of the fact that I had been in the hospital. (Ra) Oral Report from Dr. K., February 12, 1998, and (Rb) Written Information Confirmed by Dr. K., item #1, repeat this same information, but give May 8, 1997 as the date on which Dr. K. obtained the information from Freda. Note that I have a record of receiving this information from Dr. K. on March 29, 1997. So either Freda gave Dr. K. the same information twice in different interviews, or else I inadvertently wrote "March 29" for "May 29" when I dated the information, or else Dr. K. made an error about the date.

    In any case, the most important parts of the foregoing information have been confirmed in writing by Investigator #2. (Qc) Written Reports by Investigator #2, p. 1: "Freda Tuominen was away on vacation when Ted was hospitalized as an infant. Upon her return she heard that Ted had been in the hospital but heard nothing about it

sic

media."

16. (Bc) Baby Book, p. 74.

17. Same, p. 85.

18. (Ea) Med Records of TJK, U. Chi., June 23, 1942, p. 7; September 15, 1942, p. 8.

19. (Bc) Baby Book, p. 113.

20. (Ea) Med Records of TJK, U. Chi., April 6, 1943, p. 12.

21. Same, June 27, 1944, p. 26.

22. Same, April 29, 1944, p. 25.

23. The May 18, 1943 examination is reported in (Bc) Baby Book, p. 66, but not in the medical records, from which a page appears to be missing. The other four examinations are recorded in (Ea) Med Records of TJK, U. Chi., June 13, 1943 and October 19, 1943, p. 23; January 11 and 18, 1944, p. 24. The "7/13/43" examination reported in (Bc) Baby Book, p. 66, is an error on the part of my mother. It should be 6/13/43, as is shown by the fact that next to 7/13/43, my mother has the notation "smallpox vaccination," and the medical records report the vaccination on June 13, 1943.

24. (Bc) Baby Book, p. 122.

25. (Ea) Med Records of TJK, U. Chi., June 13, 1943, p. 23; April 4, 1945, p. 26; January 4, 1946, p. 27; April 10, 1946, p. 29; October 16, 1947, p. 33; December 8, 1947, p. 34.

26. (Hb) Washington Post, June 16, 1996, p. A20.

27. (Bc) Baby Book, p. 76.

28. Same, p. 122.

29. Same, p. 107.

30. Same, p. 114.

31. (La) Schaffer and Callender, "Psychologic Effects of Hospitalization," Pediatrics, October, 1959. This study considered only babies who were not being breast-fed at the time they entered the hospital. I fitted into this group since, by the age of nine months, I was no longer being breast-fed. See (Bc) Baby Book, p. 104.

32. (Hb) Washington Post, June 16, 1996, p. A20. The three dots appear in the excerpt as printed in the Post.

33. My mother first wrote in the Baby Book that I was "Perfectly healthy but quite and unresponsive." She then crossed out the "e" at the end of "quite" and inserted an "e" between the "i" and the "t" to make the word "quiet." My attorneys Judy Clarke and Quin Denvir examined the original of the Baby Book (in the possession of the FBI) and confirmed that the correction appeared to have been made with the same ink and the same pen as the rest of the writing in the Baby Book, so that there was no reason to doubt its authenticity. Since "quite and unresponsive" would make no sense, and since the correction was clear and unmistakable, the alteration of "quiet and unresponsive" to "quite unresponsive" was not an innocent error but intentional deception on the part of Kovaleski and Adams.